海豚看世界

source 來源
翻譯的不好，請見諒。
英文原文應該比較有趣。

Lesson Number Two
-----------------

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
有一隻烏鴉整天就坐在樹上，但就是不做事。

A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him,
之後就有一隻兔子看到烏鴉，就問說：

Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?
我能學你這樣子就坐在這兒整天不用做事嗎?

The crow answered: Sure, why not.
烏鴉就說啦：當然可以，為啥不行？

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
所以，兔子就在樹的底下休息起來，

All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
突然的，有一隻狐狸出現把兔子給吃了。

Moral of the story is:
這故事告訴你：

To be sitting and doing nothing,
想要整天坐著不做事，

you must be sitting very, very high up.
你就必須高高在上。


Lesson Number Two
-----------------

A turkey was chatting with a bull.
一隻火雞在和公牛聊天

"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,"
sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
火雞嘆息說：「我好想到樹頂上去看，但我沒辦法飛上去。」

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
「那麼，為何不試試看吃點我的排泄物」公牛這樣說。

"They're packed with nutrients."
它們含有充足的氮氣。

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that
it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.
火雞聽了便決定先試一點看看，果真讓牠飛到了第一根樹枝。

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
隔天，火雞再吃多一點的份量，這回牠到了第二根樹枝。

Finally, after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
最後，經過兩星期的嘗試，牠終於抵達了樹梢。

Soon, though, the turkey was promptly spotted by a farmer,
who shot the turkey out of the tree.
這時正好被一個農夫看見，就開槍把火雞給打了下來。

Moral Of The Story:
這故事告訴你：

Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
牛屎可能能讓你抵達高處，但不能持久。


Lesson Number Three
-------------------
When the body was first created, all the parts wanted to be Boss.
當身體剛被創造出的時候，各個部位都想要當老大。

The brain said,
大腦說：

"I should be Boss because I control all of the body's responses and functions."
我應該當老大，因為我控制著身體所有反應和功能。

The feet said,
雙腳說：

"We should be Boss since we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."
我們該當老大，是我們讓大腦想去哪就去哪的。

The hands said,
雙手也說：

"We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."
我們才該當老大，因為我們工作才能賺錢。

Finally, the asshole spoke up.
最後，肛門說話了。

All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss.
身體各部位都覺得好笑，肛門怎麼能當老大。

So, the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.
肛門不服氣，因此罷工拒絕工作。

Within a short time,
很快的，

the eyes became crossed,
眼睛變斜了，

the hands clenched,
雙手捏緊，

the feet twitched,
雙腳開始抽筋，

the heart and lungs began to panic,
心和肺覺得收緊，

and the brain fevered.
而大腦也發燒了。

Eventually, they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss,
最後，大家都決定讓肛門當老大。

so the motion was passed.
而這個提議也被通過了。

All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!
所有的部位恢復正常工作，而老大只事坐著並負責排泄。

Moral Of The Story:
這故事告訴你：

You don't need brains to be a Boss -- any asshole will do.
你不需要大腦當老大，而肛門可以。